I Speak Youtube

Cotton has been coming up with some very interesting ways to communicate. The other day he kept saying "pizza chips happy birthday!" I thought he was talking about Landon's upcoming birthday, so I kept saying "yes, it's almost Landon's birthday, but we are not having pizza," you know to prepare him and all. I could by his reaction tell that this wasn't the response that he was looking for, but I couldn't figure out what he meant. A little while late he came to me with the ipad and showed me a video of bouncy castles in the water, and it hit me. We had gone to a a birthday party a few weeks ago in an indoor pool with one of these water castles, and we had pizza and chips at the party, so when Cotton said, "Cotton, pizza chips happy birthday," I said "Ohhhh, you want your birthday at the indoor pool!" His giant smile told me I had it right.

Another time he kept saying "star wars music elevator." Again, I said what are you talking about? I couldn't make the connection. He then brought his ipad over and showed me a symphony playing Star Wars music, and I got it. We had gone to the symphony to hear Star Wars music and rode the elevator.

It amazes me the lengths he has to go to to communicate. The most amazing part is how he pulls these videos up. He doesn't type in key words, he types in complete web addresses as in http:// and all the rest. This kid is such a fantastic mystery, I love discovering how his brain works.

SIX YEARS OLD!

Becoming a six year old apparently means ditching your parents, and running through the bouncy house place so fast, that your poor mom, can only get pictures of your blurry foot disappearing into the mouth of an inflatable shark. The birthday party was fun, my parents came up to celebrate, and make sure Cotton did not escape out of the bouncy house place (thanks Dad). I will leave you with the pictures.....

Winging It

So, Landon wanted an Angry Birds birthday party. Yay, and boo because um, they don't make angry birds birthday supplies for those of us who like to wait until the last minute. AKA they are not at Walmart. Luckily, I'm a bit crafty, and apparently have too much time on my hands. So, Landon has been begging me to knit him an angry birds hat. Sure, let me just pull one out of my ass dear. I mean sure thing for my favorite soon to be six year old. So I started on the hat, not really knowing how to do it, but I have some knitting knowledge so I can figure it out right? My first attempt was big enough to fit a giant! If you know of anyone with an extremely large head that likes angry birds have I got a Christmas gift for you! Eventually I got it right, and I had a very happy customer.

Although, I can't take all the credit, I got really tired toward the end, and thankfully our faithful elf "poppy" finished it up for me whew! Landon said "thank you for making half of the hat!"

Home

Home is wearing yoga pants, and crocs (not the cute kind) and socks, warm thick socks, usually in bright unbearable colors. Home is where you relax into an over stuffed couch wrapped in the blanket your Nana crocheted for you when you were six. Home is where you secretly watch bad tv, and eat white chocolate covered Oreos. Home is a place that holds all the little things you have loved along the way. The memories of the past, and the hopes of the future, mixed with the laughter (and sometimes yelling) of the present. Home is the one place you can be yourself, where you can let go of the opinions of the world and breath into a place of complete acceptance.

 This is selfish, but I can't help but think of my husband, so far away in a small room with six other guys. a cubical of home and none of the privacy. I am grateful to him and all the others serving our country. Those willing to leave the places where they are loved best of all, so the rest of us can cuddle up on cold nights, and be humbled by what we have.

Don't Take Any Wooden Nickels

Thanks for following me from my old blog http://cottontales2.blogspot.com/ When I was growing up, every time I left my house my mother would say "Don't take any wooden nickels." I never thought about it, it's just what she said. At one point when I was a teenager I asked my mom what it meant. She said, "Don't take any wooden nickels."HA sounds about right. But, what she meant was don't just take anything from anyone. Don't take polished crap, you know? I've brought these words with me, I think of them every time I leave my house even now, and yet, I haven't taken them to heart at all. Having kids with needs,

makes me feel like I am living half a life sometimes. Like other people are just living it up with kids, that attend soccer and swimming with little or no effort on their part. Every day can feel like a herculean effort, and I just want to scream "WHY IS THIS SO FREAKING HARD!" But, there isn't anyone to scream that to, the truth, is not the pretty faces smiling on facebook, the truth is that we are all secretly screaming this at least some of the time. I'm not living half a life, I have no reason to feel ashamed that I have two kids with challenges, and yet I find myself, terrified of letting people know that. I want to have three happy healthy kids, and blog about what an awesome mom I am . I also know that I can choose words that express just that, because that is as true, as me being a mom struggling to figure out how to parent outside of the lines. I want to paint the pretty picture that other people paint, but I find my soul screaming just tell the truth! There will never be a pretty bow on my life.. or yours. We can try to make it ok, but that is not the point. Life is messy, and hard, and beautiful. It's about learning, that everything you think matters, doesn't. For me it means loosing every dream you ever had and finding that the love doesn't change. It also means releasing all judgment, especially the judgement I put on myself. I can't blog about our trips to the zoo, or the big soccer game without telling the whole story, because I think our story, like yours, is important. I think people are looking to read about people like them, that make mistakes and learn, and then make the same mistakes again. That is my truth, always learning and relearning the same lesson over and over. Screaming about the unfairness of autism and the amazingness of my kids. I can't talk about things that make sense, because I would just be handing out wooden nickels. They may fool some people, but they aren't worth much.

Santa's Travel Plans

Today we went on base to watch Santa arrive on a plane. One of the perks of being an airforce bratt I guess. The boys had a blast, doing crafts and getting a book from Santa. Cotton was not into the party as much, and went on a walk around base with my lovely sister who was kind enough to drive down and help me out. My boys are in full Christmas mode. I actually got our 12' tree up all by my self thank you very much, I didn't have to twist any arms to help with the decorations Cotton spent the evening staring at the tree and randomly exclaiming "Merry Christmas."

Just Like That

How quickly things change. Everything, has really settled down. All is well, no crazy anxiety attacks... except for mine:) We have done some blissfully normal things, and I have an extremely grateful heart.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. I was reminded of all the funny and lovely things I am thankful for, like on the top of my list, seriously, is that Wyatt potty trained when he was a toddler. That's probably not normal, but, potty training has been a part of my life for a while now! Rev is almost there. Not quite, but almost. I'm thankful for Rev's gorgeous hair, and Landon's brain. I'm thankful for the giant tree in my backyard and the beautiful colors it has graced us with this season. I'm grateful to live in a place that HAS trees. I am grateful that my family lives so close, and that my in laws are moving back from Israel. I'm thankful that Cotton remembered my purse in the booth at the restaurant the other night, he can be so responsible. I am grateful that Rev, can at least talk enough now, that he can tell me what is wrong. I am grateful for miralax for those reluctant to potty train.

Mostly,I am thankful to see Cotton smile again. My family,

and the promise we will all be together again soon.