Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Because



So, on a good note, Cotton is doing FABULOUS these days. Did I mention how much I LOVE his psychiatrist!! Maybe he could do something for me hmmmm... oh yeah, back to Cotton. So well, that my husband had to leave for a few days and he did not totally freak out beyond recognition... holler! He did say "Daddy at grandma's, Daddy home!" He was also very concerned about "Daddy's truck." Once I explained that both were good he said "Daddy talk, Daddy talk ipad." Are you noticing a trend here, homeboy is talking.... ALOT! It is pretty wild given that he just turned nine, but we are in the middle of a giant language explosion... I reiterate.. holler.

I will now amuse you with some of more of his verbal antics. He has been for sometime now going up to Landon and saying "Landon hurt," obviously that has not gone over well. The other day he said "Landon hurt." Then he got up in Landon's face and said "Landon hurt, Landon wrestle!!!" It was good to know that he actually has wanted to wrestle with his brother, and not hurt him. A wrestling match ensued, and sure enough one of them was immediately "hurt." He has been inviting Landon to do all kinds of things, "Landon, I want jump." etc.

While at Walmart the other day he looked up at the cashier and said "Walmart sticker." She didn't have any, but you better believe I got that boy a sticker. When I have asked him to do something he is answering with "you betcha." I blame his sassy aide for that one, as well as the next. He was saying Aunt Jee, Uncle D over and over again, I asked him "Why Aunt Jee and Uncle D?" He looked at me smiled and said "because."

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Struggle

Cotton, was not a child that struggled. His nature is (for the most part) calm, and passive. Rev, has struggled for a long time. It seems like he is always in a state of frustration. Cotton really doesn't seem to mind that he isn't able to speak, he makes his point known, but he is infinitely patient with his audience.  Rev, can speak, he CAN say anything, but the words don't come when he needs them, and he really NEEDS them. He cannot handle his body when the answer is no. He struggles.

You would think that doing this the second time around would be easier. That the grief period would be shorter. It's not, I struggle.

There is less shock, and that is helpful, but there still is a layer of confusion. It seems like a cosmic joke, or more like cosmic cruelty. But, you have no choice in such matters, you wake up, you get out of bed, you comb your hair, take your kids to school, clean your house, and think. You think of ways to help, you make visual schedules, and choice boards, you sew weighted bags to throw when one is too angry to control ones body. You set up "calming corners," and brush your child, you give them joint compressions. You have many tools to help them find the words, and they help, but still it is a struggle.

I wanted this road to acceptance to be more private. I truly believed that Rev was going to "snap out of this." Part of me still secretly believes this. But, he turns four next week. Four. My time for denial (although I have had him in all the therapies for years) is coming to an end. Our struggle has just begun, and I am so tired. I wanted to get through the grief the second time around quickly. I wanted it over with, done. It doesn't work like that, and we live in a world where no one has patience for anyone struggling, much less struggling twice. So, I'll bring it here in my not so private way, because it is struggling to get out.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

How to Talk to Someone, When They Don't Talk Back


This is a really important tip for extended family members. Let's face it, it is hard to "talk" to someone that is less verbal. The usual greetings, and small talk that we use to include other children, simply won't work. Most of the time when we are around kids, that we are only slightly acquainted with, we have an arsenal of questions ready, "hi, what's your name, how old are you, where do you go to school?" All of which are great, but are of very little help to someone who is "less verbal." I often find parents awkwardly asking Cotton these questions, and then I, equally as awkward answer them for him, or I prompt him to answer them. Either way both parties feel a little....well...awkward.

Back when we were doing RDI, the program suggested making statements to kids with communication issues, instead of asking questions. This is genius in my opinion. So when greeting someone with communication issues you would say "Hey it is great to see you!" Instead of "Hey, how are you?" You can comment on what they are doing ie..."Wow, Cotton look how big your leaf pile is," instead of "What are you doing with those leaves?" Think of saying things that don't require an answer, IF the child is able to comment, they will. If not, they will not feel pressure to do so, but will probably appreciate being noticed. If the parent, or sibling tells you something about their child/sibling, bring it up "Your mom says you're ready to go back to school next week," or "your brother said you hate green beans, my son does too!" The person with communication issues, may not even appear to notice, but BELIEVE me the people that love them will!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

So, today was picture day. Cotton and Landon looked so cute, I thought I would get a few pictures myself. You can guess how that went....


Cotton, stand by your brother.

Scratch that, just smile.
Thanks Landon.

Then this guy joined the fun.

What?

How do people get good pictures of their children??

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

On Being "Nice"

I've been asked a few times by other moms about what they should tell their kids about Cotton, or autism in general. I REALLY appreciate this question. There are so many people out there, that would rather avoid us, than talk to their kids about how to behave around someone that is different.

The answer, at least in my opinion is easy, and it goes something like this. Cotton has autism, and that makes his brain work in a special way. He talks different, he plays different, and because of this, it is hard for him to play with other kids. It's ok if you do not want to play with Cotton, it's ok if you think what he is doing is weird, it's even ok if you are embarrassed by what he is doing. BUT, you have to be nice to him. Being nice to him means, not laughing at him, or saying mean things to him, or about him. If he does something to bother you, get a parent, don't yell at him like you are a parent, he doesn't understand, and if he does, he is not going to listen to you, because no one likes to be bossed around. Always say hi to him even if he doesn't respond, and always say bye to him, even if it looks like he hasn't noticed you in the least. You will not be rewarded for being nice to someone that is different (although the family will greatly appreciate it), Cotton will not one day accept you and start playing with you, this is all about you being a good person, for no reason at all. Remember, I said his brain works in a special way, and EVERYONE no matter how different knows when they are being treated with respect and dignity.




Friday, March 9, 2012

The Easy Life

I think about my middle boy. I think about how his life is not exactly what I would have chosen. I think about what he has to give up, for his brothers. I think about when he stands out in front of his school beside his brother flapping and happily spinning. I think about how he has wished his brother did not have autism, one very embarrassing day. How he hopes that his little brother will talk like a big boy one day, and it makes me sad. I think about how we had to leave lego land before we got in the door, because it was just not something Rev was handling well. Landon did not even complain (mind you we left with $200 worth of legos anyway),  but I think about him.

I think about how happy he is. I think about how he slows things down so his brothers can participate. I think about how Rev loves him more than any other human on the planet. I think about my six year old with the patience of Job. I think about how he told the girls at the park that his brother "just had autism," as if that was so normal. I can't help but think, about what a truly responsible, caring, compassionate, and selfless little boy I have, and I know that that is not inspite of his brothers, but more probably because of his brothers. I could not have taught Landon these life lessons. If my children were all typical, I doubt that I could have even modeled these lessons, but what a gift my family is.

I am instead happy our life is not that easy. We have very little pretense as every outing we take typically ends in a comical tragedy. We laugh at ourselves, and we have a very hard time judging others. Every tantruming child I see, or mother at the end of her rope, I think, I've been there. On the flip side, every proud mama I run into beaming about her child's latest accomplishments, I can smile, and think, I've been there too. We take very little for granted, and this is something I never knew before I had my kids. Much less at SIX! I wonder about my middle boy, I wonder if he will be grateful or resentful for the lessons he has had to learn early. It's way too early to tell. I haven't really been able to raise my kids the way I envisioned. I haven't been able to hand them the world on a platter, I have not been able to shelter them from some of the more harsher realities of the world, and I think we may actually be better for it.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Special Needs on Vacation

My husband and I were very brave a few weeks ago, and we took our sons on their first "vacation." By vacation, I mean we took a three day weekend and went to the Great Wolf Lodge in Dallas TX.

After Cotton informed us via YouTube, that he wanted to have a swimming party we could not resist. Luckily my sister lives in Dallas, so our first stop was her house. She lives in an amazing neighborhood, with the most fabulous parks, the kids had a blast! My sister made a truly remarkable cake for Cotton. It was an ipad cake! She put his favorite apps on the cake and even rigged it to play Star Wars and of course Fox Fanfare... I seriously could not believe the effort she put into this cake! Cotton is a very blessed little boy, and he loves his family very much!!



After a night at Aunt Jee's house, we left for the hotel. Now, here is where you need to really have your act together. There is a LOT of stimulation at these sort of places. You need to know what you are doing, where you are going, and how you are going to do it, as much as you can, BEFORE you get there. Any sign of confusion or delay can end in a meltdown, it is important to show no fear lol. Luckily we pulled it off. We got in, changed, and into the water park within 30 mins. score team. We spent the afternoon in the  water park, 90% fun 10% paralyzing fear. The only thing that would have made it better for us, was to have 1:1 ratio. I took for granted that Landon could swim. There was five minutes of terror where we lost him, as he thought he could just go ahead and ride a slide on his own. Another important thing for us, was to leave before everyone was tired. We did, everyone was happy, we ate, and then Cotton and Rev went to bed at their usual bedtime.

So my advice, be over prepared, you don't have to do everything, focus on the most important thing and do that. There were a million side items, we could have done, but it was important for us to avoid over doing. Finally stay true to eating, and sleeping schedules. Cotton and Rev are not "go with the flow" kids, and we have to respect that. The final thing we did that may be different from other families, is that we took Landon to things he enjoyed on his own. There was some really neat activities, that Landon enjoyed doing, but would have bored Cotton, and overstimulated Rev. So, Landon went on his own. We did our best not to feel guilty about that. When we actually attended the activities, I was happy with the choice we made there were loads of babies, and overstimulated toddlers that were totally freaking out. So we did it! I am super proud of our family for a) being brave enough to try and b)you know coming home with everyone alive:)

Roll With It

Since acquiring an iphone, I rarely blog anymore. You see, I am old, and it is hard to type on the iphone keyboards. I prefer the old fashioned keyboard, where you can feel the key beneath your finger, alas... I am getting old. Also, adding to my geriatric nature, what is up with fashion right now? I'm a jeans and a tee shirt kind of gal, and um, skinny jeans make me nauseous, also I went to get a new pair of capris, and well, all I could find were skinny capris with cargo pockets, and zippers in odd places. They are making a room for me at Shady Brook as we speak. All of my sentences will thus start with "in my day!"

So, meds (I'm changing the subject) Cotton is doing awesome these days, and part of that, is the return of my awesome husband, but part of that is due to a "reorganization" of his meds. I like talking about meds, I think it is important. Most mom's are all granola and organic, and I have my moments as well, but meds have made such a huge impact on his general happiness, and "functionality" that I cannot dismiss the benefits. I know the other side of the argument, AND I know the side effects, I also know how hard it is to find the right balance, and that the right balance is always shifting, because our kids are always growing, and you know the hormones are coming. BUT, Cotton is happy for the first time, in a long time. He is loosening his obsession with the ipad, playing with his brothers, and TALKING, a lot. He is still impossible to understand, but wow. It feels so amazing to really see my son relax again.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Yo yo a go go

I got some exciting news yesterday! I have wanted to go through the program to become a yoga teacher for some time now, but, it is a six month program, and it takes up every Saturday, and just in general there was not a good time. I decided I wanted to go ahead and bite the bullet and sign up for the spring semester. I emailed the studio owner, and as luck would have it, she is in need of teacher NOW. She is putting me through an intensive course which should only take a month!! I should be teaching by March. I  was certified to teach children a few years ago, so those hours thankfully, will carry over toward my full certification.  So now I just need to get my yo on. I'm pretty sure by the end of this month I will be exhausted, but the timing and circumstances could not be more perfect.

The boys enjoyed a short week at school because of the Martin Luther King jr. holiday, and were ready for a chill weekend. Let me tell you we are extremely chill around here today. I have never seen a more laziness. They have been drooling in front of the tv almost all day! Landon has his 100th day celebration at school next week, so we did take a break to do his 100 day poster. He decided he wanted to do 100 googly eyes. It was much more doable that his first idea 100 wigs lol. Where does he come up with this stuff?



I've been doing laundry lots of laundry, and I am finishing up a painting for a friend. It is much more traditional than my taste, but I hope she likes it:)

Waiting for this painting to dry so I can add snow, and details.


I also got to Skype with my husband. This will be our last Skype from Afghanistan, he leaves in 24 hours!! Ok he leaves Afghanistan in 24 hours, but he hopefully will be home by next weekend! The kids are so excited. Cotton keeps saying "Daddy, home, baseball,"(he loves going to baseball games with his dad.) I'm not sure how I can explain that it is not baseball season, but I'm pretty sure he will be ok with whatever he and Dad can do together.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Finished

Man this painting was a pain in the rear. But I'm finally done. I never like my stuff, and I definitely don't show people, but I'm going to be brave lol.

It's been a busy week and I am more than finished with this deployment, I am positive my kids are finished with me and my rag tag parenting ( survival) strategies. Earlier this week i had a meeting with Cotton's teacher to go over what i am hoping to accomplish on his talker. I sent them lots of video and i really hope that helped (it seemed to, because yesterday he use it quite a bit at school,) so i think I've found a good way to help people see what he can do.

Tonight, I'm going out with the girls to a painted pottery place should be a fun time. Although, I'm told they serve wine, so I'm not expecting to do much painting:)


Sunday, January 15, 2012

Fri & Sat

I'm going to finish out the week by golly. Friday I spent most of the day volunteering at the boys school. It was really funny, because my "job" was to color these math placemats. I got quite a few strange looks, as I sat in the workroom with my box of crayons! Even funnier is, I went home and did some more coloring....


My "rough draft"

All that work and all I have is a rough sketch, but believe it or not it's coming along. And yes my bathroom is also my art studio!

Landon has his yoga classes on Friday evenings so we did that and came back home for " movie night." honestly it's the same thing we always do, but I let the kids eat popcorn and pile blankets everywhere.


Saturday was very non eventful we are having great weather and we spent most of the day outside playing with the neighbors. I did yet another organizational sweep of the toys, and clothes. I'm slowly whittling our stash down. It is unreal how much my three kids have. My goal is to only keep what we actually play with. So each month I'm taking away a few more items. That's my week folks:)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Lazy Post

Here is some video of Cotton and I, practicing our pronoun/ ing verb sentences.




Friday, January 13, 2012

Thursday

First things first. Thursday started off a little rocky. The kids did not want to get dressed, it was like pulling teeth. Then I found Landon playing his DS this is forbidden in the morning lol. Anyway enter the bossy jar.


Have I ever told you about our bossy jar? Landon doesn't do anything "wrong" per se, he mostly likes to be bossy to his brothers, and to me. So I made a "jar" and put slips of paper in it, with easy chores for him to do on his own. So like one card says make your bed, or pick up three pieces of trash etc. Anyway, this may be my only parenting stroke of genius, because not only do I not have to yell at him, or worse argue with him. I get things done in the house that actually need to get done, anyway, he got a bossy jar and we were three minutes late for school.

Which was fine, because Rev had a doctors appointment anyway. Nothing serious, he just needed a physical for school. He is healthy as a horse physically, and in the 70th percentile for height, weight etc. He's a pretty good eater, so I never really think about it. After that, I took him to get a haircut and miracle upon miracle the boy sat BY HIMSELF and did not even cry. I warned the hair dresser before we started, and he was an angel. Crazy talk, I tell you, I would have taken a picture, but he was playing on my phone.

I dropped him off at school and came home to paint for a bit. I got a lot done on the painting and not nearly enough on the house:) Oh well. I watched my favorite neighbors adorable one year old for a few hours so she could clean her house for hold on, I'm going to cry in the bathroom for a while. Ok I'm back she's selling her house and moving this summer. sniff sniff. I'm ok, really.


I picked up the boys, and had a cozy afternoon on an extremely cold day. We had brisket and mac and cheese for dinner. Can you believe I burned the mac and cheese! Who does that?? Anyway, despite my excellent cooking skills, I managed to find replacement noodles, and we ate our fill.  I was able to text for a while with my husband and wish him a good morning, before I went to bed. Technology is awesome. Back when he first joined the military, he would have to stand in line forever for a 15 minute phone call. You try fighting with your husband in under 15 minutes lol. Lucky for us now we can communicate much more effectively (in both ways:)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Wed Nes Day

Wednesday morning was pretty fun. I again met friends for some shopping and lunch! this time I had some Christmas money that was burning a hole in my pocket, so off to the Brighton store we went, and I picked up a super cute purse, I've had my eye on. Lucky for me it was on sale. After shopping we went to Pei Wei, I'm really roughing it, I know.
My super cute new purse

Today was a curly hair kind of day. You see when my hair is wet, it looks really good curly and I convince myself that it will stay looking that way, but it always ends up looking like a frizzy fireball... and yet I have the same internal conversation weekly.... you would think I would learn.

My photographer is not so adorable any more,:)

I came back home, worked on my painting a bit. I got the color all wrong at first, so I spent most of the time trying to get it right. About the last third of the canvas I got it right, so I set it to dry, and went to pick the boys up early for their dental appointments.  I picked up the boys, dropped Rev off with my favorite neighbor, and ran like crazy to get to the appointment on time, only to wait for 15 minutes after our appointment was scheduled. Cotton is obsessed with doctor's offices right now. Mainly because the clinic where he see the psychologist, and the psychiatrist have an elevator. He asks me every day to go to the doctor and ride the elevator. So the entire time we were in the office he was manically looking in every door to find the elevator. I can't help but think that this helped speed up the process a bit, because they seriously got the boys in and out in no time! Landon is a pro at the dentist, but Cotton has never gotten further than opening his mouth. Today he even let them touch his teeth!! With cleaner teeth and new toothbrushes, we left to pick up Rev, and get some dinner. 

Pizza was the menu de jour. Pappa John's to be exact, extra cheese and breadsticks. All ate without complaint. We watched Curious George 2 and went to bed. I was so tired last night that I went to bed with the boys. You should know that we have a bit of miracle going on right now. Cotton has put himself to bed all week with NO meds. This is unheard of! This is a miracle! He is even sleeping until 5 am!!!! I hope I'm not jinxing it, by talking about it, cross your fingers for us:)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Tipsy Tuesday

So today I was excited to go to my yoga class this morning, opened the fridge to find no food, and thusly had to go to the grocery store instead. It was thrilling, let me tell you. It is very difficult to grocery shop when your husband is away. Most of our meals are kid food (yuck) I have had my fill of hot dogs, green beans, and mac and cheese. My kids are a little picky, but I like to think of it as a healthy kind of picky. Most of the foods they like are pretty healthy for you, they just cannot all be in the same dish. So you know chili, or pot pie, would be out of the question.






Which brings me to my next stop of the day, lunch with friends. This week is particularly social. I am not usually "lunching with the ladies" everyday, but this week, I'm getting together with all the friends that have been hiding in the holiday cocoon. It was a fun lunch at Jason's Deli. A good portion of my friends will be moving this summer (such is the life of the military family) so I am relishing the time we still have together.

After lunch, I came home and did some rough sketches of a painting I'm "working" on.  The actual painting really doesn't take that long, but convincing myself that I can do it is what takes so long. This particular painting is huge, and I've been "working" on it for a while. I'm pretty sure I will at least have an attempt by the weekend lol. It's all a strange process, I have an idea, I think I can do it, and then I know I can, and then it comes out. There is no logic in the creative process, right? Sometimes it's an afternoon, and sometimes a year. I guess it is a good thing it is not my profession.

upside down, but you get the point.




After dinner, the usual bedtime rituals ensued. I sat down with Cotton to practice pronouns and "ing" verb sentences on his talker. I was disturbed to find in his progress report that the teachers, had not started working on his reading or communication goals. The first part of the year was riddled with panic attacks, but he has been improving a bit. However, at least with me, he is making tons of progress. I wrote a sweet (ish) note to his teacher (who I am actually quite sure is working on the goals) to explain why they had not implemented said goals, or at least had not started taking data on them. I then tried to not think about it. Tomorrow will take care of that problem. After watching yet another "Mad Men" (love that show) marathon, I am turning in for the night.



Monday, January 9, 2012

Mission Monday

Hold on to your hat folks, are you ready for Monday lol.  Every morning I wake up to the same thing. Rev yelling from behind his baby gate, "mom mom (he calls me mom mom?),  lucky charms." Every day I roll out of bed, and say the same thing, "time to make the doughnuts." Lucky charms are served, as well as pancakes for Cotton, and whatever Landon is in the mood for. Kids are dressed, brushed, kissed, and dropped off at school.

Today I had errands to run, and coffee with friends, which turned into lunch with friends. I came home and cleaned house. The kids got home, we had friends over, and I took the boys out for dinner for their good report cards.

Most of my day is spent on house stuff organizing, cleaning, folding, scrubbing, cooking, you know the awesomeness of the average housewife. But ya'll come on in, I'll show you around.....

Here is my kitchen, I love my kitchen......



It's kind of hard to see, but look at the water spout above the stove. I thought it was cute when I bought the house, but oh my goodness, I don't know how I will live without it. It is super handy for filling pots.


This my friends is why I bought my house. So, it's not beautifully organized or anything, but this pantry holds everything!




My living room and foyer




                                                   And some of the more adorable inhabitants.

Oh Happy Day!

A blogger friend of mine is doing a week in the life with her family. I thought that was a cute idea, I can't promise I will do everyday, but here's our Sunday...

First and foremost, I honored my new years resolution to get dressed everyday. Sad, I know, but a ponytail, and yoga pants were becoming my uniform. So here is proof, I even got dressed on the weekend.

and here is my adorable photographer....

We all woke up and went to Shipley's doughnuts. The boys love their doughnuts, and I love their egg biscuits. It is kind of a weekend tradition for us. When Dad is home, I get to sleep in and he does the honors. After breakfast, we went to play outside, it was a gorgeous for any day much less January. The boys love to play outside, so there was soccer, swinging, light sabering, and of course Cotton's favorite, leaf floating...
                                (um, I think you have that pointed in the wrong direction there son.)


At some point my favorite neighbor joined us and her adorable one year old kept the boys in line. After lunch, their was play dough, games (we love the busy town game) construction toys, and of course Cotton's favorite IPAD. At one point Cotton erased his communication app and became a bit unhappy (hysterical) of course I could not find the most updated version, so the boys got a movie while Cotton and I tried to figure it out. Crisis averted, it was time for dinner. My favorite neighbor came back so I could run out and get myself cheap chinese food (another family tradition) and she even fed my boys... I love my neighbor. Anyway, bath, books, bed, bed negotiation, disciplinary action and Rev, finally passed out. Landon goes to bed without problem, and Cotton usually stays up with me until I go to bed. I give him meds and he is at least quiet until morning, although he rarely gets much sleep. However, on Sunday for the first time since he was two and a half (save major illnesses), Cotton fell asleep on his own!!!!!!! I hope that doesn't mean he is getting sick but all seemed well this morning. I spent a while texting my husband wishing him a good morning, and continuing the only conversation we seem to have, "I wish you were here/ I wish I was home:)."So it's not fancy but that was our Sunday:) 

Bye ya'll.




Thursday, January 5, 2012

Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We are finally done with my least favorite time of the year, and on To one of my most favorite! That's right folks I am An organizing junkie. With my endless supply of little boy's clothes I get ample opportunity. You might this.k I would have loads of hand me downs, but NO my boys are different in every way possible. Cotton needs regulars, Landon needs slim, and Rev will only wear the playtime favorites collection from the GAP, I KID YOU NOT. I should also add that he will not wear anything with any kind of picture on it. He sort of looks like a 90 year old man in a nursing home, but hey, who am I to judge his "style". I'm just happy I found something he's willing to wear without a fight. But alas, I keep it all, thinking what if Lancdon fills out, or Rev decides retirement gear is not his favorite anymore, and thus my semi manual organization commences. Did I mention how much I live space bags? I should also note that I am writting this from my kindle fire, please forgive my typos as I loathe writting on a digital keyboard.