The Easy Life

I think about my middle boy. I think about how his life is not exactly what I would have chosen. I think about what he has to give up, for his brothers. I think about when he stands out in front of his school beside his brother flapping and happily spinning. I think about how he has wished his brother did not have autism, one very embarrassing day. How he hopes that his little brother will talk like a big boy one day, and it makes me sad. I think about how we had to leave lego land before we got in the door, because it was just not something Rev was handling well. Landon did not even complain (mind you we left with $200 worth of legos anyway),  but I think about him.

I think about how happy he is. I think about how he slows things down so his brothers can participate. I think about how Rev loves him more than any other human on the planet. I think about my six year old with the patience of Job. I think about how he told the girls at the park that his brother "just had autism," as if that was so normal. I can't help but think, about what a truly responsible, caring, compassionate, and selfless little boy I have, and I know that that is not inspite of his brothers, but more probably because of his brothers. I could not have taught Landon these life lessons. If my children were all typical, I doubt that I could have even modeled these lessons, but what a gift my family is.

I am instead happy our life is not that easy. We have very little pretense as every outing we take typically ends in a comical tragedy. We laugh at ourselves, and we have a very hard time judging others. Every tantruming child I see, or mother at the end of her rope, I think, I've been there. On the flip side, every proud mama I run into beaming about her child's latest accomplishments, I can smile, and think, I've been there too. We take very little for granted, and this is something I never knew before I had my kids. Much less at SIX! I wonder about my middle boy, I wonder if he will be grateful or resentful for the lessons he has had to learn early. It's way too early to tell. I haven't really been able to raise my kids the way I envisioned. I haven't been able to hand them the world on a platter, I have not been able to shelter them from some of the more harsher realities of the world, and I think we may actually be better for it.